An Update: Summer’s Ending

Hi Everyone! It’s been a few days since I’ve posted which is different from the last few weeks. During summer, I have been working on my blog a lot and posting almost every day. Well, last week I had a lot of meltdowns and just couldn’t bring myself to write. I want to get back to writing more but I don’t want to pressure myself, especially with summer coming to an end. So, I decided to write what was on my mind today and not create a high expectation.

I would be lying if I said that this summer has been a fun one. I started my summer off in Indiana and it was great to spend time with my family but there were lots of stressful things happening. Both of my sisters were moving, my mom went to Seattle to help my little sister move and my grandpa was moving into my parents house. I’ve talked about my grandpa before but he has Dementia. With my mom gone for two weeks, he was out of his routine which caused mood swings and more irrational thoughts. This was hard to say the least.

After a month in Indiana, we made our way back to NYC. The drive was exhausting. 12 hours in the car and we didn’t want to stop at any rest stations due to coronavirus. We chugged along for 12-freaking hours. It was hard on all of our bodies and mental health.

Then once we got back to NYC, we found out that the sellers of our dream home backed out. This was a huge let down. My husband and I were so bummed. We have been craving space since March. We are still in the process of searching for a new home. It’s so hard because you see something you love and want it immediately but buying a home is a HUGE deal. It takes a lot of time.

Now, the big thing that has really been bothering me the whole summer is going back to school. It’s taken up my thoughts and consumed me with anxiety. I have never felt this anxious before.

I teach at a NYC public school. Schools are set to open September 10th according to the mayor and chancellor (their names don’t even deserve to be mentioned). Schools are NOT ready to open. They are not equipped properly. There isn’t correct ventilation. There isn’t a proper plan in place for when a student shows symptoms (Their current plan is to have a staff member wait inside a room with the student- like no, that is NOT a good idea!). There aren’t even enough school nurses. They won’t be tested before returning either. With all of this, the teacher’s union has been amazing. Every time the mayor says one thing, the union fights back with the right thing, the thing that protects teachers. It’s a back and forth argument is draining everyone involved.

I know that people want to go back to school. I want to also but I want to go back, when it’s safe. Don’t tell me that teacher’s are essential workers. We do not receive enough money and supplies to be essential workers. Teaching remotely is absolutely not ideal but teachers are creative. We come up with ways to educate our students. I don’t want to spend my school year fighting for my own safety as well as my students.

I could go on and on about this. But what I’ve said is the main issue this: I am feeling an overwhelming amount of anxiety all related to going back to work in an unsafe environment.

I have set up a consultation to talk to a therapist because it’s at the point where I can’t handle it anymore. My anxiety is manifesting itself in mood swings, a constant state of frustration, grinding my teeth at night so hard that my jaw hurts the next day, losing my patience and so much more.

Anyways, I am sorry for the rant! Here is the other news I want to share with you! Because school is starting, I am going to be switching my posting schedule. I am going to try to post Mondays, Thursdays, and Fridays. Let’s see how this goes! I hope you all have a wonderful Monday!

xxSejalina